My Hardest Day

It was roughly 3:00 in the afternoon on Memorial Day, 2010.  My mom called and said, "Honey, Bobby and Diane have been in a motorcycle accident.  They've been airlifted to UC Davis Medical Center. His friend that he was riding with called me. That's all I know.  I already called your dad and I'm on my way."  WHA??????  "Oh my God. Oh my God.  Oh my God." is all I remember saying. 

When Dan heard me he ran into the kitchen. He quickly shuffled me into another room, so the boys wouldn't hear me crying. I was frozen. Do I wait to hear? Do I leave? Of course, I left.  I told Dan I was OK and could drive, so he stayed home with the boys.  I, of course, was in no shape to drive, and I'm sure both my parents weren't either.  I remember sobbing and praying the entire drive to Sacramento.  I also called a couple girlfriends on the way (another bad idea) and we sobbed together.

My dad and I talked once on the phone while we were both on our way.  He said that after my mom called him, he had gotten a call from the CHP.  The officer told him to hurry.  Shit.

More sobbing.  More praying.

When I arrived at the ER, my mom, dad & stepdad were all there.  I was the 4th to arrive.  I'll never forget the looks on their faces when they saw me.  My mom asked me if I want to see them.  Yes!  I went to my brothers side.  Not easy to see.  Too much facial trauma.  How can this be Bobby?  He was concious when he arrived, but they put him out and intubated him so he wouldn't choke on blood. The image is actually a bit vague in my mind now. But I remember seeing a lot of red, a lot of road rash, and a lot of yuck.  I touched his arm.  I turned to my parents and my mom kept saying to me, "Everything is fixable. They said everything is fixable." My dad started crying again. Then I went to see Diane.  She had some lacerations, she was also intubated,  and she had a neck collar on.  She looked better than Bobby, but they said she was unconscious at the scene. We later found out she was almost pronounced, but they resuscitated her. Thank you Lord.  I also remember seeing her feet move a little bit.  But even in the worst crisis I have ever faced in my life so far, those 3 words, "Everything. Is. Fixable."  gave me tremendous comfort.  We aren't going to lose them. We aren't going to lose them.

They took us to the "family room" and the case worker talked to us.  She was so genuine and caring.  What a job to have!  Then one of the ER Doctors came in - a pretty, young woman who definately was MANY years younger than me.  But when she spoke, she clearly knew what she was talking about and what she was doing.  She told us that Diane was going to have some stitches on her facial lacerations in the ER, and Bobby needed to be sewn up in the OR, since his facial trauma was so severe. I remember telling her that Bobby and Diane are both really cute - please do a good job.  Then Diane was going to have an MRI of her head and spine to see what, if any, damage had occurred.  Now it was time to head to the ICU waiting room.  And wait.  And wait.

Diane's brothers, Bob & Greg, arrived, as well as more family members, and waited with us.  We sat in the waiting room all night.  Bobby came out of surgery and we were able to see him.  Mom, Dad and I went in.  He still looked really bad, but better.  Still intubated, very very swollen, lots of stitches and lots of redness.  When he opened his eye (left one was too swollen to open) he saw me and gave me a little wave.  "HI!" I said, grabbing his hand, and so happy to be able to communicate with him!  "I love you!"  He pointed back at me.  Mom and Dad did the same.  We just sat with him. 

Still waiting for news on Diane's MRI.  Finally done.  They said very little bleeding on the brain and they weren't worried about any long-term brain damage.  But she does have a traumatic brain injury.  She also had a fracture on C1, and needed to have C5-C7 fused together.  OK.  That's all good, right?  Thank you again, Lord. No long-term brain damage kept going through my mind.  Thank you. Thank you. Thank you.  They were going to take her into surgery that next day for the fusion. 

We stayed up all night in the ICU waiting room that first night.  I think it was around 2am that we all finally went to get something to eat in the lovely hospital cafeteria.

For the next couple weeks, we stayed in the hotel across the street. It became our home. It's amazing how in such a crisis, there are still so many things to be grateful for.  They're alive. They're both expected to fully recover (it will take a while, but it WILL happen), my family is so close and even closer now, and THANK GOD my mom, dad, stepmom and stepdad are all friends.  Can't imagine how much more difficult this all would have been if we had that uncomfortable feeling of parents not liking each other.

More on their recovery later.  If you're on facebook, you know that they still have a long way to go, but they have come SO far already in these last 3 months. 

So, that was my Hardest Day.  And the time between the phone call from my mom, until I was in the ER and heard that "everything is fixable", that was my hardest 3 hours.  Ever.  This post was both difficult as well as therapuetic for me to write.  Thanks for reading.  Now, I really AM going to need you to refill my wine glass.

jrb

I'm really blogging!

Well, here I am. I've been thinking about starting a blog for a LONG TIME. I feel I have so much to say, but just never know quite where to start. And who the hell's gonna read it, anyway? So I'm going to take the advice of my good friend, Joe. He said, "stop thinking and start writing". OK, Joe. Here I go.

My first post is about Facebook. Yes, Social Media is on the rise. (I've even started a small business using it!) Yes, it's fun! Yes, I've reconnected with MANY people that I'm excited to be friends with again. Yes, I LOVE LOVE LOVE being social while in my PJ's at home with dirty hair, un-brushed teeth, a cat on my lap, and probably chowing down on something that I shouldn't be chowing down on. Or, if it's after 5pm, with a lovely glass of vino. (well, usually after 5pm. shhhh)

What I really want to say about it goes deeper than all that fun stuff. (And let's face it, it's REALLY REALLY FUN!) It's more about my friends, family, and connections than it is about Facebook itself.

On Memorial Day of this year, my brother and sister-in-law were in a serious motorcycle accident. (More details on how they are doing in a later post). It took me almost a week before I posted anything about it, but as soon as I did, boy, it was a whirlwind of prayers from east coast to west coast, and even in the UK! The prayers, well wishes, and all around positive mojo that was sent to my family on a daily basis (and still is), uplifted us all more than I can ever put into words. I am tearing up right now, just thinking about it. I believe in my heart of hearts, that those prayers played a HUGE roll in their recovery, and coupled with their hard work and determination, are why they both are doing so well and are expected to have a full recovery.

How does one pay that back? Well, that is simply something that can't be paid back, and I know that no one expects it. That is the beauty of friendship and of being a compassionate human being. And all my friends know that they can count on me ANYTIME for that same support. No question!

I also have loved how everyone wants and enjoys the updates on Bobby and Diane. And if I haven't posted one in a while, several people always ask about them. With each positive update, I get so many "likes" and positive responses and with the few updates that have told about a curve ball that has been thrown our way (most recently, two weeks ago with Diane's brain surgery), I am just uplifted again and again with everyone's words, prayers, hugs, and undying support for my family.

So thank you friends and Facebook, for all you have given me and my family over these past 3 months. I have learned so much from all of you, as well as from Bobby and Diane, on spirit, determination, unconditional love, and the power of prayer. And I will never be the same.

That's it - my first post. Now please, refill my wine glass. :-)
jrb